You Make Me Weak (The Blackwells of Crystal Lake Book 1) Read online

  Hudson’s hands balled into fists, but he made no move to get up or say anything else to Rebecca’s brother. He watched Harry follow Mac from the coffee shop, and, with one last sip, finished his coffee.

  “Can I get you anything else?” Beatrice asked softly. It was obvious she’d heard most, if not all, of his exchange with Mackenzie. No point in ignoring it.

  “What’s Harry doing with Draper?” He had to admit he was curious. Last he’d heard, Mac was some big shot architect in New York City. Now he was back in Crystal Lake with a kid and wife and living the life of domesticated bliss. Mac thought Hudson had done a one-eighty? Well, he could say the same about Draper.

  “Gosh, that Mackenzie Draper is just the nicest man. He’s involved in that development across the lake. The one with the big golf course. I think he designed it. He’s given jobs to folks like Harry. It’s really a blessing. And I hear he’s looking into developing low-income housing, which is so badly needed for the community. For folks like Harry and for families in crisis.”

  Shit. Since when had Mac Draper become the savior of Crystal Lake?

  “The only problem is land.”

  “Oh?” Seemed as if Beatrice was a fountain of information.

  “From what I understand, most of the land around the lake is privately owned or protected from development, and there’s not much in town that’s suitable or for sale.”

  “That would be a problem,” he murmured. Hudson glanced at his watch. “I should get going. Thanks for the coffee, Beatrice.”

  “It was very nice meeting you, Hudson. Tell your father we said hello.”

  “I will.”

  Hudson left the coffee shop feeling pissed off, annoyed as hell, and just plain grumpy. The rain was falling in sheets, the sting of the cold drops sharp on his cheek. But it wasn’t pain he felt. In fact, he liked the sting. It was exhilarating.

  This weather. The cool, crisp air. The damp. The smell of the lake. He loved it. As he walked toward Blackwell Holdings, his chest tightened and his breathing sped up. There was a hole punched in his gut—a hole he’d forgotten about. A hole slowly breaking open. It wasn’t just melancholy that settled across his shoulders. Or sadness.

  It was loneliness. And regret. It was the mourning for the life he’d never lived.

  The visual of Rebecca curled into his arms as they cuddled in front of a fire. A fire they’d lit in a place they called home. A place in the forest at the edge of a lake. Maybe a dog or two.

  Damn Mackenzie Draper for reminding him of everything he’d lost.

  Because as Hudson strode up the steps and entered the building that held his name, he knew he’d never get it back. No matter how much he wanted it. No matter how much he needed it. It was too late.

  Twelve years too late.

  Chapter 14

  Work had been crazy busy. Tuesday was blocked off for surgeries, but there were always a few emergencies that couldn’t be delayed, and they added to the chaos. Then Ethan Burke decided to pay the clinic a visit. Talk about sending the office into a tizzy. Kimberly Higgins’s eyes had nearly popped out of her head when Ethan stopped by reception to say hello to Rebecca.

  “He wants you,” Kimberly proclaimed after Ethan disappeared into his father’s office.

  Here we go.

  “You think every single man in the area wants me.” Rebecca couldn’t help but grin. She didn’t have to look far for an ego boost.

  “They do.”

  “Sorry to burst your bubble, Kimmy. But I haven’t exactly had men pounding down my door.”

  Kimberly had pursed her lips and set her hands on her hips in a way that said she was serious. “That’s because you give off a vibe that scares most of them away.”

  “Oh? And what vibe would that be?”

  “You know. The ‘come near me and I’ll break your balls’ vibe.” The woman clucked. Actually clucked. “Men don’t like women who challenge their masculinity.”

  “Well, I don’t want a man who can’t handle a woman with balls.”

  Kimberly had just shaken her head and grabbed her purse from beneath the counter. “If you don’t change your tune, you’re going to end up alone.”

  That had annoyed the hell out of Rebecca. “Maybe I want to be alone. Not every single woman needs a man.”

  “I get that. And you obviously don’t need a man. But there are some things you need a man for.”

  “Not really. A pack of batteries and my vibrator do just fine.”

  “Really?” Kimberly frowned. “I’m being serious, Becca.”

  “So am I.”

  But Kimberly wasn’t giving up. “You’re doing great on your own. You really are. I don’t think I would have the strength to own my own home and raise my son alone. But I don’t think that’s the case here. I think you’re afraid.”

  Okay. This woman was a coworker. A coworker. Where the hell did she get off?

  “Kim, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but honestly, my personal life is none of your business.”

  Kimberly just smiled and headed for the door. “I know. But I’m not sorry for pointing out the obvious.” She paused, her hand on the doorknob. “Life’s too short to be afraid, Rebecca. And wearing that crown of ‘don’t come near me’ must be exhausting.”

  That last line had been a zinger, and it stuck with Rebecca all the way home. By the time she walked into her kitchen, she was in a crap mood, and not even the smells emanating from her Crock-Pot could put her in a better frame of mind. She grabbed a bottle of pinot grigio from the fridge, poured a generous glass, and flopped onto the sofa. Liam wasn’t home from hockey practice yet, but her appetite wasn’t exactly healthy anyway.

  Wine before food was how she was gonna roll tonight.

  She was onto her second glass when the door opened and Liam walked in, followed by her brother. Her son tossed his backpack onto the floor, but one look from Rebecca and he sheepishly picked it up.

  “Hockey bag?” she asked.

  “In the garage, and my equipment is airing out.”

  “Wash your hands,” she said, eyes on his retreating back.

  “Mom,” Liam moaned before disappearing up the stairs.

  “Smells good,” Mackenzie said, dropping a kiss to his sister’s cheek.

  “Cabbage roll soup.”

  Mackenzie flashed a smile. “I’m impressed.”

  “Don’t be. Liam did most of it this morning before I even dragged my ass out of bed.”

  Mac’s eyebrow shot up. “The kid’s a chef?”

  “Perfect combination. I guess I did something right.” She sank farther into the sofa. “You want some wine?”

  “Nah. Can’t stay long. Date night.”

  She smiled up at her brother. A knot formed in her throat, and she had to look away, because, dammit, there were tears forming in the corners of her eyes. What the hell was wrong with her?

  “I ran into Hudsy today.”

  She bit her tongue. Had to. Anything to keep those damn tears from falling. God, she needed to keep it together.

  “Did you?” she managed to say.

  “You never told me he was back. I heard it from Edwards.”

  Rebecca was silent for a few moments. “Hudson has been out of my life for years, Mac. Why would I care that he’s back?”

  Mackenzie watched her closely. “I know how much he hurt you, Becca.”

  “Old news.” But the knot in her throat told her something else.

  “Yeah, well, sometimes the past has a way of biting us in the ass. Just be careful with Blackwell. Don’t let him in again. I don’t trust him.”

  Rebecca cleared her throat and set her wineglass down. If her brother knew what had transpired just a few days ago, he’d have a whole lot more to say. As it was, Liam appeared, and she was saved from further conversation.

  “Uncle Mac. You gonna try my soup?”

  Rebecca’s heart swelled, watching her son. His clear green eyes and flushed, healthy skin—his exuberance a
nd love of life—was something she cherished. He’d come a long way from the sullen, unhappy boy he’d been when they’d first come back to Crystal Lake.

  “Can’t, buddy. Lily is taking me out on a date.”

  Liam snorted. “Old people still date?”

  “Hey. Who you calling old?” Mackenzie roughed up Liam’s thick blond waves and winked at Rebecca. “Better get my butt in gear, or there’ll be hell to pay.”

  “Who’s watching the baby?” Rebecca smiled at the thought. Her niece was gorgeous and the sweetest little thing ever. And she’d had her father wrapped around her little hand from the get-go.

  “Mom. I gotta swing by and pick her up.”

  “Tell her I said hello.” It had been a few days since they’d talked, and a twinge of guilt made Rebecca squirm.

  “Will do.” With another pat on Liam’s shoulders, Mackenzie headed for the front door. Before her brother made it there, however, the doorbell sounded, and Rebecca froze. Hudson hadn’t been serious…had he?

  “Liam, are you expecting anyone? Michael?”

  “Nope.” Her son was busy spooning out his cabbage roll creation into a soup bowl and didn’t bother to look up. “He’s grounded. He got caught looking at naked ladies on his dad’s computer, and now his dad’s computer has got a stupid virus. I told him it was dumb and that he’d get caught, but he didn’t listen.”

  “Oh.” Great. Naked ladies and computers. Was she already there with Liam?

  Rebecca got to her feet and made her way down the hall. Her brother had opened the door, and his tall frame blocked her view, but there was no mistaking the voice. The sound of it was like a punch to the gut, and she hung back a bit, sweat beading on her top lip, breaths falling rapidly.

  Jesus. He’d meant everything he’d said the night before.

  Mackenzie glanced over his shoulder, but the look in his eyes was unreadable. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He gave a quick nod to Hudson and stepped around him.

  That left Rebecca staring down the hallway at the one man she wasn’t sure she could handle right now. She ran a nervous hand through the loose hair at her nape and cleared her throat, not really knowing what to say.

  Hudson closed the door behind him and stood there, his leather jacket damp from the rain that had been falling all day. He’d pulled on a black knit cap and hadn’t bothered to shave. She thought of what her brother had said, and her heart lurched. Mackenzie was right. She needed to be careful. Hudson was her past, and she’d buried him years ago. Yet the man in front of her was very much alive. He was so damn masculine. So damn sexy. So damn dangerous.

  She hated him.

  Except she didn’t.

  “I told myself coming here wasn’t a good idea,” he said, that hint of rasp she’d always loved coloring his words. “I was headed home, but…”

  A pause.

  “You going to invite me in?”

  She shouldn’t. She should tell Hudson to leave and never darken her door again. She should tell him that a repeat of the weekend wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. That whatever this was between them meant nothing. It was just left-behind residue. An echo from their past. An acknowledgment of a desire that still burned, but a desire that would do neither one of them any good.

  “Are you hungry?” she found herself asking.

  I’m crazy.

  “Something smells good.”

  Certifiable.

  “We’ve got lots.”

  Should be locked up.

  Hudson stepped out of his boots and shrugged off his jacket. He hung it on the hook by the door, and Rebecca turned and headed for the kitchen, very much aware of the man who trailed behind her. Liam was sitting at the small island, spoon halfway to his mouth, when he spied them. He looked from Hudson to Rebecca and then set his spoon down, his curiosity evident.

  “Hey, Liam. My friend Hudson is joining us for dinner. You remember him from the other day?”

  Liam nodded. “Hello.”

  Hudson walked over to her son and offered his hand, which Liam took rather gingerly (wasn’t often he shook hands with anyone).

  “Smells good in here.” Hudson smiled.

  “I made it.” Liam jumped off his stool. “I’ll grab an extra bowl, Mom.”

  And just like that, her kitchen became a hub of domesticity. Hudson washed up while Liam filled two more bowls of soup. Rebecca grabbed rolls and butter, and the three of them sat down at the kitchen table to eat.

  Rebecca’s appetite wasn’t anywhere near where it should be, and she couldn’t even blame that on the wine. Hudson made her nervous as hell. She ate slowly, while in just under thirty minutes, Hudson managed to find out pretty much everything about Liam’s life in Crystal Lake.

  He knew that Liam played defense on a local house league hockey team, and that one of his coaches was his Uncle Mac. He also knew Liam loved fishing and boating and camping. That Liam loved math and science but hated reading, even though his mother made him read every night for twenty minutes. Something he agreed to do if she let him stay up for an extra hour.

  “So what’s your mom got you reading? The classics?”

  Liam grinned. “Nope. She never said what I had to read.” He giggled at his mother. “I read comics.”

  Rebecca shrugged. “You’re still reading, and that’s all that matters.”

  Liam pushed his bowl away. “What’s your job, Hudson?”

  Hudson leaned back in his chair as if considering his answer. “I work in law enforcement.”

  Liam’s eyes widened. “You’re, like, a cop?”

  “He’s FBI.” Rebecca grabbed their bowls, not in the mood for small talk anymore.

  “FBI?” Except that particular acronym lit a firestorm of questions, and while Rebecca cleaned up after dinner, she listened to Hudson patiently explain some of the duties he performed.

  After at least the tenth question, Rebecca leaned against the counter. “Liam. Homework.”

  “But…”

  “No buts. I happen to know you have a geography test tomorrow, and I haven’t seen you study for it.” She pointed to the stairs. “So get to it.”

  Liam sighed, an exaggerated sort of thing, and slid from his stool. “Maybe you could come for dinner again?”

  Hudson nodded. “I’d like that.”

  “Cool.” Liam grabbed the glass of milk Rebecca poured and headed for the stairs, leaving her alone with the man responsible for the butterflies causing havoc in her gut. Hudson got up from his chair and slowly slid it back into place. His intense gaze found her, and, mouth dry, she pretended to clean up an already pristine countertop.

  “He’s a great kid.”

  She nodded. “He is.”

  “His dad in the picture?”

  Rebecca tossed her rag, and her voice rose, taking on a sharp edge she couldn’t control. “I’m not discussing Liam’s father with you.”

  Hudson shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and was quiet, as if measuring his words. “Fair enough. I didn’t come here to upset you.”

  “Then why did you come?” She marched around the island until she stood a few inches from Hudson.

  “I wanted to see you again.”

  And here they were, having the conversation she didn’t want to have, with a man who still made her feel all sorts of things she shouldn’t be feeling.

  “Hudson. We’re over. We’ve been over for years. What happened Saturday night… Well, Saturday night was just…” She swore and glanced away. “It was a mistake.”

  “Probably.”

  “It shouldn’t have happened.”

  “But it did.”

  Exasperated, she hung her head. “It’s not going to happen again.”

  She knew the moment he stepped closer, because the air around her did that funny electrical thing again. She thought it was hard to breathe a few seconds ago? It was nothing compared to what it felt like now. Dragging big honking gulps of air deep into her lungs, she made to step back, but her butt met th
e kitchen table.

  “Becs.”

  Hearing her name on his lips made her stomach dip. She was hot. And cold. And it felt like her skin was pulled too tight.

  “I can’t get you out of my mind, and I can’t stop thinking about Saturday. About how good it felt to hold you again. To breathe you in. To touch the curve of your cheek. Kiss that spot behind your ear. To be inside you.” A groan fell from him, and she bit her lip in an effort to remain calm.

  “You’re right, Rebecca. You and me. Probably not a good thing.”

  Slowly, she looked up and held her breath.

  “I know I should walk away.” His eyes glittered. “But I can’t.”

  “You didn’t have a problem doing that twelve years ago.”

  His jaw clamped shut at her words, and a muscle worked its way across his cheek. “I was young and dumb twelve years ago.”

  “Can’t argue with you there.”

  A ghost of a smile touched the corners of his mouth. “So where do we go from here?”

  Rebecca slid past him and opened the door. She stepped out onto the porch, shivering in the cool night air, and waited for him to join her.

  “There’s no point in going anywhere, Hudson.”

  He bent lower, so low that she felt his warm breath on her cheek.

  “You can’t tell me you don’t feel this.”

  “I feel it,” she admitted, turning around to face him. “Doesn’t mean I should act on it.” She thrust her chin forward, straightened her shoulders. “I’m not a teenager anymore. I’m not easily swayed. I know most things that feel good have a dark side to them. And you are definitely on the dark side. Besides.” She shrugged. “I’m not looking for a relationship. I’ve been burned twice. I’m not going there again.”

  His eyes glittered. His nostrils flared.

  Something inside Rebecca liquefied until she felt like she was coming apart. The air crackled with energy, and damn, but it was hot. A thought hit her then. One so crazy she didn’t have time to think about it before the words fell out of her mouth.

  “Not saying I wouldn’t consider something casual.”