The Christmas He Loved Her Read online

  Raine picked at the rice and shrugged, her eyes downcast. “I just…” She sighed. “I don’t know, I just really like it here.”

  He finished the egg roll and grabbed another one, his stomach grumbling with hunger. “When did you get this?”

  “They delivered an hour ago.”

  Jake paused before taking another bite. “You do know that the roads aren’t fit to be driving on, right?”

  She nodded. “Yes, Christopher told me I was his last delivery and they were closing early. We’re supposed to get freezing rain all night.” She pointed toward the bags on the counter. “He brought extra, just in case I got stranded.”

  “That was real nice of him.”

  She looked at him warily. “Wasn’t it.”

  “So no one is going anywhere.”

  Again she nodded, her eyes huge, her perfect mouth so soft and pink, it made his insides ache. He was stranded here. With Raine.

  “Could be for a good long while,” he said carefully.

  “Could be,” she retorted and gestured toward the table. “Do you want some wine? Though the only glass I have is an old coffee mug. It’s tin, not even ceramic.”

  Jake grabbed the wine and filled the mug to the brim before taking a long sip. He let the smooth cabernet sauvignon rest on his tongue before he swallowed as he watched Raine move back to the living area. She darted a look back at him, a quick sort of glance that seemed somehow…off.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to sit down?” She patted the sofa before settling on the edge. “It’s really comfy.” She licked her lips nervously and Jake’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully. Something was definitely up. He’d expected her to be pissed at him—and she should have been, after he’d nearly bitten her head off this morning—but instead she was accommodating.

  Too accommodating.

  “I know it’s pink and everything, but…”

  Her eyes nearly popped out of her head when he reached for the last egg roll, and at first he thought it was because he was being a pig. He held it up. “You want it?”

  She shook her head and bit her bottom lip. She chewed at it so carefully that his freaking “Raine radar” erupted and he glanced around the room. She was hiding something from him. She always did that damn biting thing when she was nervous about something.

  He spied a thick book on the counter, and she groaned so loudly that he knew he’d just scored, but what?

  He glanced back at Raine, a grin creeping across his face as he grabbed it and flipped it over so that he could read the back copy.

  “Jake, really, that’s a woman’s book. Not something you’d want to read.”

  “How do you know what I like to”—his eyes skimmed the copy—Hello—“read.”

  What the hell? He flipped the book back over. Shit, the cover had a set of handcuffs on it.

  He glanced at her in surprise.

  “That’s not…” Her chest heaved, and the color in her cheeks was so damn cute he couldn’t take his eyes off her. “That’s not a book that would interest you,” she said haltingly.

  Jake ignored her and flipped it open, his eyes skimming the words and widening as he read a few paragraphs. Jesus. He’d heard of this book. Heck, half the guys on base had read it the year before or had benefited from their wives or girlfriends reading it.

  “Damn, woman,” he said, a grin splitting his face wide open. “I had no idea, Raine.”

  She was across the room in an instant. “Give it to me.”

  Jake easily held it above her head. “Holy hell, sweet cheeks, this is the filthiest thing I’ve ever read.”

  “Jake! Give it back,” she yelped, jumping for his arms.

  “And it was only two freaking paragraphs.”

  “Jake! I’m going to…”

  He held the book inches above her head. “Gonna what?” He laughed, his eyes resting on her mouth for several long moments. The laughter dried up in his throat and he was suddenly aware of many things. The length of her lashes. The smell of peaches. The way her pink tongue rested on the edge of her teeth, and the sound of her breath catching in the back of her throat.

  His body tightened, his heart rocketed out of his chest, and the blood pounding in his veins was so strong, it hurt.

  “What are you going to do, Raine?” His voice was husky.

  She stared up at him, those big eyes of hers like glass, and when she swallowed, his eyes fell to the delicate area at the base of her neck, the one that dipped into the hollow of her collarbone. She’d shed the old, worn sweatshirt and wore a tight, baby-blue T-shirt with a deep V, one that showed the tops of her small breasts. Her bra strap peeked from beneath—her black bra strap—and the sight was so incredibly erotic to him that his groin tightened even more.

  He was hard, achingly hard, and weak enough not to be able to do anything about it.

  The air between them was charged with something fierce, something electric and alive, and for the first time in ages, he felt exhilarated. Reckless.

  Aroused.

  The book fell from his fingers onto the floor, and neither one of them looked away from the other.

  She licked her mouth again.

  He exhaled a long, shaky breath.

  A heartbeat passed between them. And then another. The world slowed down, and for that one moment there was nothing but Raine. Nothing but her sweet face, her exquisite eyes, and a mouth that begged to be kissed.

  Years of want and need and pain and anguish rolled through him. He was weak from the enormity of it all and for a second saw nothing but darkness. But she was there—right there in front of him—and the look in her eyes gave him strength. It gave him hope, even though he knew it didn’t belong to him.

  He inhaled her scent and closed his eyes, wanting to find the strength he knew he needed to stay away from her.

  But when her heat slipped over his skin, when she slid up his chest and her mouth touched his, a tentative, soft caress, he did nothing to stop her. He let his body control what his mind knew was wrong, and his arms slipped around her waist. He felt her shudder and he pulled her in hard, so that she was crushed against him and he felt every single inch of her.

  “Jake,” she breathed into him.

  He opened his mouth beneath hers and let her tongue slide inside. She tasted like heaven, just as she had so many years ago, and when she moaned into him, when her soft sigh fell into his mouth…

  He gave up any pretense of fighting the one thing he’d wanted his entire life, it seemed. Wrong or right didn’t matter anymore, not when he’d been lost for so long and finally, finally felt as if he’d found himself.

  In that moment, Jake Edwards said to hell with the consequences and ignored the voice in the back of his mind.

  The one that told him he’d be damn lucky to survive it.

  Chapter 16

  Raine reveled in the want and the need and the pleasure she felt in Jake’s arms.

  As his hands moved down her back and settled at the base of her spine, there just above her butt, she realized that she’d been heading toward this ever since Jake came home.

  Maybe even longer.

  She’d been asleep for so long, her body and mind dormant, that she’d all but given up hope of ever feeling anything again. Jake had always been that spark, the one to light her up, and now he was the only person who made her feel alive.

  Sure, she was still pissed at him. So pissed and hurt at the way he’d abandoned her last year. For not being there for her when she was at her lowest point ever. But still, as his large palms gripped her ass and held her in place against him—against the evidence of his own needs and passion—she was willing to forget all that.

  For this one moment she would forget. If only to feel alive once more with someone she trusted.

  With Jake.

  “Raine,” he breathed into
her, his voice husky and full of need.

  They kissed forever, it seemed. Tongues entwined, lips giving and taking, their bodies crushed to each other, held together by burgeoning desire.

  Her hands sank into his thick hair, and she wondered at the silkiness of it. For so long he’d kept it trimmed in the standard military cut, and as her fingers slid through the glossy waves, she relished the feel of it, the feel of him. She groaned as his tongue licked her bottom lip before suckling her there.

  But then suddenly, he was gone, swearing like a fiend as he pulled back and took two steps away.

  Raine’s fingers fell to her swollen lips, her gaze avoiding his eyes as she hungrily took in every inch of him. His T-shirt was askew and a fair bit of his skin was visible above the low-slung, faded jeans he wore.

  Her mouth went dry as she focused on the thin dusting of hair there, the arrow that pointed and disappeared beneath the waistband. His erection strained against his jeans, an unmistakable hint as to the depths of his need, and she licked her lips at the sight of it, an answering ache heavy between the folds of her sex.

  “Jesus Christ, Raine, don’t do this,” he said raggedly. “We can’t do this again.”

  “Why not?” she whispered. “Why the hell not?”

  Her eyes flew back to his, and she took a step forward but stopped when she saw the pain reflected in his gaze.

  His chest rose and fell rapidly, and when he rolled his shoulders and rested his hands behind his head, she knew how conflicted he was. How aroused he was. And as he held her gaze, his beautiful dark eyes heavy with emotion, she knew he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

  And for once in her life, Raine was done playing it safe. She was done being afraid. Done thinking of others and putting herself last. Her hand fell to her mouth, and her fingers ran over her swollen lips—lips that were swollen from Jake’s mouth. That was the point of this, wasn’t it?

  She didn’t want to think past her needs. Past what she wanted. She didn’t want to think past the one thing that maybe, just maybe, could force the demons away and fill the hole inside her.

  Raine sank her forefinger into her hot, wet mouth and took another step toward Jake, watching the way his eyes, now hooded, glittered in the firelight, as he focused on her lips.

  “I want you,” she said simply.

  Jake shook his head and swore again. “You don’t know what you’re saying.” He nodded toward the table. “You’ve had too much wine, and now you’re just…you’re just…” He looked at her helplessly, and if she were a bigger person, she might even have felt sorry for him. He was conflicted, fighting his own inner demons, and she wasn’t helping him at all.

  But she’d done this dance with him before and had been the bigger person. She had let him push her away, but now? Now she would take what she wanted, because she was done living in the shadows. Done feeling only half-alive—if that.

  “I haven’t had too much wine, Jake. My head is clear and you need to know something. You need to listen to me.”

  His dark eyes rested on her—tortured, yes, but hungry for a connection.

  “I needed you once before, and maybe sex wasn’t the answer then, but at least it made me feel something, but now…now it’s not the need so much. It’s the want, and I’m not going to apologize for it. I want you. I want to make love with you. Right now. Do you know what kind of gift that is to me?”

  Jake Edwards, one of her oldest and best friends, had returned home weeks ago, and she’d been slowly coming alive ever since. But she wanted more.

  Her eyes rested on the bulge between his legs again. Hell yes, she wanted more.

  Jake groaned, his hands now clenched into fists at his side, his dark gaze settled onto her with an intensity that struck a chord inside her.

  She swallowed and took another step toward him.

  “Raine, we can’t.” Jake shook his head, his mouth tight, a frown between his brows. “We just…”

  “Why not?” She took another step, stalking him like a leopard after her prey, and now she was so close to him, she could feel how hot he was. His body heat was off the charts, and a thin film of sweat coated his skin like a sheet.

  “Because…” he started roughly. “Because it’s wrong.”

  “Why don’t you say what you really mean, Jake?” Raine inched closer and reached for him, resting her palms against his chest and feeling the strength of his heart beating inside.

  “Because you’re Jesse’s wife, and you belong to him, and I never should have touched you. That night should never have happened.”

  Raine took a moment to let his words roll around inside her brain. She blew out one long breath and gazed up at him.

  “Jesse is dead.”

  “What the hell kind of thing is that to say? You think I don’t know that?” he replied angrily. “God, you have no idea…you don’t know…”

  “Jesse is dead,” she interrupted, her voice soft, “and it’s awful and painful and wrong. But he wouldn’t want me to stop living, and he wouldn’t want you stuck in this dark place that you’re in.”

  Jake looked away.

  “He wouldn’t want that.” Her breath caught. “I don’t want that. I’ve been living like the dead for way too long and—” She had to stop because her throat closed up, choked with emotion. “I don’t want to anymore.”

  Her hand was on his cheek, and a tremulous smile crept over her face at the feel of his rough, day-old stubble beneath her fingers as he turned back to her.

  Several moments passed as the two of them stared at each other in silence. And then she pressed her body against his, leaned up, and pulled his head down toward her. Her mouth rested just below his ear, and she kissed him lightly there, loving the way he shuddered against her.

  “I don’t belong to anyone but me, Jake. I can give myself to someone, but that doesn’t mean they own me. Jesse didn’t own me. You can’t own a person.”

  “That’s not what I meant,” he said stubbornly.

  “But it’s what you said. Jesse and I shared a moment in time, but that moment is gone and nothing we can do will bring it back.”

  Jake jerked his head at her words, an angry sound gurgling in his throat, but she ignored it and whispered. “He’s not coming back, and that doesn’t mean I’m going to forget about him, or that I didn’t love him. He’ll always live in my heart, but I need to move on. I have to move on.”

  A heartbeat passed between them.

  “I want to give myself to you, but I want to do it for me. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  His breathing changed, the rhythm faster, but he remained silent, his dark eyes glistening in the candlelight.

  Raine pressed her mouth to the base of his neck and kissed the pulse that beat there. She inhaled his earthy scent and leaned into him as her insides liquefied, leaving her so weak that if not for Jake, surely she would have melted into a puddle of hot, churning need.

  “I don’t just want you, Jake.” She licked her lips and tilted her head up so that she could see his face. She put it out there, three simple words that said so much more. “I need you.”

  His eyes regarded her intently as his hands slowly crept to her shoulders, and she knew how conflicted he was. This was Jake—a man of honor. Was she asking too much of him? Was it selfish for her to want him as much as she did? Would he run away again?

  Then another thought crossed her mind, and Raine’s fingers flew to her mouth in horror. Her cheeks heated with shame and she looked at the floor, suddenly defeated and ashamed and…so sad. So incredibly sad.

  Maybe she’d read this all wrong. Maybe he didn’t want her the way she wanted him. Maybe he…

  “Oh no, Jake. I’m sorry. I thought you…I thought you wanted me.” She shuddered and took a step back. Or she would have, but his hands were still on her shoulders, and he cupped her chin gently, fo
rcing her to look up at him.

  “Raine.”

  She shook her head, not wanting to look up at him. Hot tears stung the corners of her eyes, and she wouldn’t cry in front of Jake.

  “Raine,” he said again, and something in his voice pulled her gaze upward.

  His brown eyes looked almost black, and for a moment something so fierce and raw reflected in their depths that her mouth went dry and she gasped. His right hand slid into her hair, cupping the back of her head, while the other slipped to her jaw.

  She couldn’t have moved if she’d wanted to.

  Her heart took off, nearly beating out of her chest, and her nipples, already hardened, strained against her thin T-shirt.

  He leaned down, his mouth only a whisper from hers, and spoke. “I want you.”

  Something burst inside her. Something hot. Something that ached and throbbed and spread throughout her body.

  Someone whimpered. Was that her? Was she that pathetic? That starved for touch?

  Raine closed her eyes, but that was the wrong thing to do. Images danced there. Erotic pictures of Jake. Of his hands traveling over her body and his mouth gliding across her stomach, her breasts, and her…

  “If we do this, everything changes. It won’t be like before, because I’m not going anywhere.” His voice was hoarse, rough like sandpaper. “Do you understand what I’m trying to say? Things could get complicated.”

  “I don’t care,” she whispered.

  He wanted her.

  “Because I need someone strong enough to go the full nine yards with me. I need you to bring me back to life.”

  “You’re fucking killing me,” Jake said roughly, his mouth creeping over to her neck and nuzzling her there.

  “Sorry. Now kiss me.”

  She was on fire. Her body, long dormant, now raged with hormones and pheromones and whatever the hell else kind of mones were out there.

  Outside, a blast of wind threw ice pellets against the window, shaking the glass and filling the cottage with the sound of winter. Yet it did nothing but fan the flames inside the small house. For a moment it was the only noise they heard, and then with a growl, Jake’s hands slid down her body.